Does God have a sense of humor or what? Look at me!

A few weeks ago I found a Church I would like to attend. I called them and asked about the dress code because I only have 2 pairs of jeans and tee shirts. Of course they said, “Come-as-you-are.”

Yesterday while I was on the bus I decided to attend and I called to make reservations for the Church van to pick me up.

I had a long day ending up with a cab ride home but that is a different story. As this story goes, at home when I attempted to take my belt off I pulled the belt buckle off. Now I can’t keep my pants up. That’s not funny (I thought) I reasoned that I don’t think the Lord wants me to come as I am after all.

Now all I have to do is cancel my reservation, buy a decent Church outfit on next Tuesday, and make reservations for another Sunday pick up.

Does God have a sense of humor or what? Look at me! Yeah, but the joke’s on me. I feel like God’s Jester. That is the most dangerous job you can ever have serving God. If the court jester fails to make the king laugh he could kill him. How much more so can the King of kings.

Was that a set up by God so He once again gets a kick out of me? Whew, I glad He thought it was funny.

The van driver was suppose call me after 4 pm on Friday or on Saturday. I did not hear from him Friday or Saturday. Okay, I am freaking out now and that is not funny. I am trying to do the right thing and I am having extreme difficulty.  I haven't been to Church in a long time and I am living in another state as well. So whats going on?

 

a) My belt buckle broke

b) I have not heard from the Church van driver

c) The Church may not want me to come even as I am

All of sudden I received a message on my cell phone but I did not receive a call that corresponded to the message. Hmm curiously I checked my messages. There were about four messages and one of them was the Church van driver so I called him.

He let me know what time in the morning he would arrive. So I told him my dilemma. I said I pulled my belt buckle off and I can’t keep my pants up. I did not say I don’t think God wants me to go to Church. I just thought about that now.

He insisted they wanted to pick me up anyway. He assured me someone will buy a belt so I can keep my pants up. I said wow! Now that is a blessing! However, the belt was too small for me. Now that's funny. I struggled to use the first hole. It worked for Church this Sunday. Do you think it's funny yet? I still have to buy a belt that fits.

On payday I bought a belt that fits. On another day I asked the local bus driver if there was a Big and Tall men’s store on his route. I am one size above where I usally shop. 

 

Between the bus driver and some passengers they directed me to one. I have enjoyed public transportation for years. I am not thinking about buying a car for a variety of reasons. Boy, that was shirt was expensive! I did't know if I should laugh or cry. There was a pretty young lady serving me so I just said wow. It's expensive. She smiled.

So I bought a casual shirt and belt I could wear to Church. I finally had what I thought was a descent outfit I could wear to Church. However I have not been back to that same Church since.

I found another Church with van service and I attended a Sunday service there instead. Now I have two Churches I can attend. If I don’t go to any of them very often they won’t expect me to give a tithe or an offering. I can’t afford to. Baby needs a new pair of shoes. And I can go to Church without feeling pressured about giving them any money. I can just sit back and enjoy the service and the people.

At the first Church I did not attend the next Sunday because it was the pastor's wife’s birthday. The next Sunday was Mothers day so I did not attend that service also. The Church I wanted to attend a second time and I told my friends. But then it dawned on me the next Sunday was Fathers day.

 

When the Church called me on Saturday I told them I don’t want to attend Sunday after all but the next Sunday. I am not thrilled about Church traditions anymore. All my children have grown up and have their own families. I will feel out of place.

I talked to a guy who said he had children too and that is why he is going to work on Fathers day. It is rough on Dads and step Dads these days. I guess if you adopt the children are glad to be out of the orphange so the act right. The parents might return them.

 

Selah.

I figure Church has got to be free for somebody. As much as I paid into it, it might as well be me.

Besides, I pay so much into my ministry and I never received an offering. I minister at no cost to anybody but myself. I think that is good enough for me to make offerings to myself and to do my own ministering.

At the beginning local Church services I think pastors or bishops should say, “If you have to pay for your own ministry you don’t have to give an offering,” so I can relax.

I am expecting any day men will give into my bosom, pressed down, shaken together and running over because I am a giver. So what I have been waiting over 30 years already. I hope I keep some instead of giving it all away. I am probably the only pastor people expect to give offerings to them. Sometimes I don't having any money to give anybody. 

Some people can be tricky, some people can be quite insistent, and some people can be darn right belligerent about it about me giving them my money! When I ask them to pay me back or give me some money or loan me some money as they say, alas, they never have any money or they just spent it on a car or some other expensive item.

Why don’t they think about helping me? So what if I have a fixed income. So what I receive Social Security Disability. I’m afraid of what the government says and I’m afraid what my family says about my only income. That’s not funny. O well, I just trust in the Lord to supply of my needs and other people through me.

A buddy said I have a dollar sign ($) on my forehead. Man I wish had dollar signs ($’s) in my bank account. So what I have been waiting 30 years already. I may just give it away anyway. However not to a Church anymore I have my own ministry and people to support.

I don’t want a salaried position in a Church. I am retired and I don’t want to be chained to a Church like I was chained to a desk at work. I am still chained to my computer though but:

a) I don’t have to answer to anyone b) I don't get an annual performance report
c) I work the hours I want or have to work

Performance reports are generally tied with how well the company is doing not your performance. They have to stay in the black.

a) I am independent
b) I am self motivated
c) I can create a job or ministry
d) I choose something I don't have to compete with anyone
e) I like my freedom.

Also, I don’t want to pay somebody else to do ministry for me because I am too busy working for someone else to do it myself. I skip the middle man.

Someone in the Bible asked Jesus when they ministered to Him. Jesus answered, every time you did things yourself and ministered to others you ministered to me. They said wow Jesus! I was not working anyway. Jesus answered, “Yes you were. You were working for me!”

So many people have been downsized today. Even college grads can not find jobs. College does not prepare them for the current work force. Are they working for Jesus?

Well I can’t afford to work for Jesus. Unless I work for a local congregation I won’t get a salary. I beg to differ. I got downsized from my profession in 1991. I finished Bible College and Chaplain School (C.P.E) in 1993. I also attended university. I have been in ministry since 1980 across the country. Whatever wages God pays me is more than enough. I don’t ask anyone for money and no one volunteers to give me money.

The Lord provides all I need according to His riches and glory in Christ Jesus. So what He uses my disability payments and my pension? Does God have a sense of humor or what? Look at me.